


Twenty-five Things Skippy Is Not Allowed to Do in Pegasus

by Domenika Marzione (domarzione)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Humor, bored marines are bored, the more scifi you know the funnier this is, there are no sacred cows in Pegasus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 16:16:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/domarzione/pseuds/Domenika%20Marzione
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>15 - Tell anyone that the initial expedition resorted to cannibalism. Sergeant Barnes was reassigned after the final roster was drawn up; he did not draw the short straw and become hamburger during a food shortage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twenty-five Things Skippy Is Not Allowed to Do in Pegasus

The original [Skippy's List](http://skippyslist.com/list/) is a riotous list of negative commandments issued to an especially creative US Army junior enlisted soldier as a consequence of, well, his creativity. This is the beginning of the Pegasus version; the SGC version is left as an exercise to the reader.:

 

25 Things Skippy Is Not Allowed to Do in ~~Atlantis~~ Pegasus

  

1 - Tell the scientists being escorted offworld that saying "Klaatu barada nikto" will help against the Wraith should they attack.

2 - Speak Klingon into any communications device.

3 - Make cannibalism jokes on the commissary menu whiteboard. Including naming any offering "soylent green."

4 - Make chittering noises near Colonel Sheppard for the purpose of seeing if he'll answer in kind.

5 - Post odds on the continued good health of the lieutenants. Not even in places where the lieutenants can't see them.

6 - Bling out the EOD robots with items from the ATA labs and stage robot wars. Even outside.

7 - Point to any creature brought back for study in Atlantis by Life Sciences and say "Hey, wasn't that the thing with the poisonous breath we saw on M53-K25?"

8 - Shoot anyone ~~not in uniform~~ with a Wraith stunner outside of designated training exercises. Not even with the low-powered ones.

9 - Greet any indigenous populations with "Live long and prosper" and/or the Vulcan hand gesture.

10 - Threaten _Daedalus_ personnel ~~with cavity searches as means of establishing identity~~.

11 - Tell the female scientists that pon farr is real and affects everyone who has been in Atlantis more than a month.

12 - Tell ~~indigenous populations~~ anyone that you are a Cylon.

13 - Explain your actions by saying that Atlantis made you do anything. Especially if you don't have the ATA gene.

14 - Broadcast the audio track or otherwise perform selections from _2001: A Space Odyssey_ over the PA system during power fluctuations/system malfunctions. Including any renditions of "Daisy Bell."

15 - Tell anyone that the initial expedition resorted to cannibalism. Sergeant Barnes was reassigned after the final roster was drawn up; he did not draw the short straw and become hamburger during a food shortage.

16 - Tell the civilians that the marines eat the Wraith they kill in order to absorb their strength.

17 - Tell anyone that the Asgard eat ~~idiots~~ ~~virgins~~ humanoids ~~and that we traded a wing of airmen for the _Apollo_ 's hyperdrive~~.

18 - Tell anyone that going through the stargate makes you ~~impotent~~ ~~gay/straight~~ ~~lose brain cells~~ ~~lose bowel control~~ ~~fancy farm animals~~ different in any way.

19 - Ascended Ancients cannot countermand lawful orders. Nor can other non-corporeal entities.

20 - Show up at sick call and say that your eyes were glowing gold, your voice sounded odd, and you have an irresistible urge to take over the galaxy.

21 - Borrow anything from the ATA labs for recreational purposes.

22 - Tell anyone with the ATA gene that they can walk through walls if they get a running start.

23 - The head of the Science Division is Dr. McKay, not Darth Sidious. Or Darth Vader. Or any other Sith Lord. Doctor Zelenka is not his Sith Apprentice.

24 - Tell indigenous populations that you are looking for Ancient artifacts so that you may ~~raise Cthulu/bring about the Apocalypse/rule the galaxy/appease your dread lord master~~ do anything other than defeat the Wraith.

25 - 6E12 is not Emerald City and is not home to the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz. It is Major Lorne's office.


End file.
